Not to post something really melancholy again, but the whole situation surrounding Valentine’s Day got me in a really pensive mood last night, and the way that I always remedy that is by writing. It’s something that I love to do, whether it’s short stories, (attempts at) poems, letters to no one, or just a stream of my consciousness directed onto a page. It always helps me sort through the whirlwind of emotions that I’m constantly bombarded with, and a lot of the time it will give me some perspective on life while also giving me a good chance to just reflect and turn some less ideal situations into more wistful ones, in a good way. Plus, I just really enjoy the act of writing, the sensation of the ink or pencil lead flowing onto the page so smoothly. It’s therapuetic to me.
So that’s what I’ve got for you again today: a piece of writing and a song:
Dear No One…
It’s days like this that I wish I had someone, days when everyone is out with their someone and I’m sitting here in my room just thinking about what that might possibly be like. I guess I don’t even really know what to imagine.
But maybe by the time the graphite on this page has been smeared unreadable I will. Maybe. But that maybe feels really far away, an eternity away if I’m being honest with myself. I just wonder how high my high score of Valentine’s Days sans a someone will get before then… I can’t even imagine what that would be like, having a someone. Maybe it’s an impossibility.
But I can at least dream about it, can’t I? I can dream about having someone to hold and someone to hold me, someone to write me notes and letters just because, someone to watch shows and read books with me, even if he doesn’t like them, just because I do, and someone for whom I can do the same. And yes. I wrote ‘he.’ There’s actually not an ‘s’ missing.
That’s the day I’m waiting for, trying to imagine right now, sitting in my room by myself on Valentine’s Day with needtobreathe on, the day I have someone who never tires of listening to me, someone who I can sit with and listen to without feeling like I need to say anything at all, someone to give me long hugs when I need them, someone to spend quiet mornings over tea with, someone to go on walks and roadtrips with, someone with whom I can comfortably sit in silence with, someone who gives me that emotional, surreal feeling, like it can’t possibly be real.
And it isn’t yet. That’s why I’m still waiting, waiting for someone I never have to worry about, someone who wants to talk to me, someone who challenges me, someone who makes me better, someone who makes me smile just because I’m with him, someone to hold my hand, someone to catch me off guard with a kiss on the cheek, someone who’s just different enough that I keep learning new things about him, someone who will cook with me while music is going in the kitchen, someone who will sit with me at the piano and sing for fun, someone who will stay with me when I’m sick, someone who will do random, spontaneous things with me, someone who my friends and family will love, someone who I can love, someone who will love me, someone who will pray with me, someone who will read the Word with me and point me toward Jesus, someone who loves Jesus himself.
And there are a million more things that I could say that I’m waiting for, a million things that I’m so impatient for, but until then I’m waiting, here in my room on this 2015, Saturday Valentine’s Day.
So that’s where my thoughts went last night. Any of you feeling the same way? Because I feel like that a lot.
Anyway, here’s that song I promised. I’m really not quite yet on the same level of contentedness and satisfaction that Tori Kelly is, but I still like the song. Haha. Let me know your thoughts on any of this. I love talking with people.